Do you know what love is?
I’ve spent my entire life seeking it, yearning for it, recovering from it..
At a young age, I learned that love was something that had to be earned. I hoped that my achievements would earn the love I yearned for from my parents. So I accelerated in school, worked three jobs since the age of 15, and played my part at dinner parties. When it came to romantic relationships, I subconsciously applied the same logic. I thought if I looked more pretty, gave more, pleased more, learned how to be the perfect girlfriend, then maybe, just maybe, I’d finally earn that love I craved for since I was a little girl. It’s no wonder that I have spent the last decade researching love, writing about it, and now, creating a business around it. After a long journey, a lot of self work, and under the guidance of some of the top healing practitioners of the world, I’m fairly confident that I’ve finally learned what love really feels like.
You see, love is an energy. It’s a force. Love is in us all along, it’s just that for many, it’s been covered up by scars and wounds, rejection and hurt. Our access to our own love becomes blocked, and that’s when we have ego-based interactions versus authenticity based interactions. That love from your mom? That love from a best friend who rushes to your side after a breakup? That time you let someone go because you knew that they would find happiness with someone else? That micro-moment of magic after a first kiss when it felt like time stood still? That kind look of concern from a stranger after it’s been obvious you’ve been bawling? That’s love. Love can come in different forms, it can last in our perception of time for mere moments, but regardless of the minutes, days, hours or years – it’s an energy – and you can feel it.
When you give love from a place of abundance, of truly not wanting anything back in return – that is love, in it’s purest form. Often we give because we think of love in the way I formerly described, something that is to be earned. So we give, not out of love, but out of ego, of fear, of insecurity, of wanting validation. Two actions with a different foundation resulting in two completely different energies – when you give out of love and abundance, you make a deposit. When you give out of ego, you make a withdrawal.
When you give out of love and abundance, you make a deposit. When you give out of ego, you make a withdrawal.
Once someone told me that I love too boldly and suggested I hold back until it’s deserved, because someone should work for that type of attention and love. Even when he confessed how great it felt to be on the receiving end of my love, he asked why he was deserving and if I expected anything in return. Instead of appreciating the beauty and magic of the moment, he questioned me, and couldn’t fully receive my love because it wasn’t delivered in the timing or earned-love paradigm that he was comfortable with. But who was he to tell me how to love? Most people do not dare to risk vulnerability – to love greatly, madly, deeply. Am I crazy, or are they?
I love boldly. I love with reckless abandon. I follow my intuition about people and choose to trust first, because that’s what feels right. If you are the focus point of my attention, I will touch your heart. I will make you feel. You might not be ready for it, you might think I’m intense, but I don’t care. I will not change how I love, because your wound or cynicism makes you doubt the purity of its source.
I will not change how I love, because your wound or cynicism makes you doubt the purity of its source.
How silly was I to think that I had yet to find love. The love from family, friends, lovers, the micro-moments of love shared with those special people who have truly touched my heart, that familiarity upon encountering a soul mate – that is all love, and it’s in me. It always has been. It’s just finally now untangled from all the pain, trauma and stories that had built walls around my heart.
I encourage you – love more, not less. Love now, not later. Love boldly, not with trepidation. If you have it, give it. If you’re given it, receive it and take a moment to really feel it. Once you start familiarizing yourself with the feeling, it will be easier for you to recognize true love when it’s in front of you. Because every time you give love, every time you receive love, you change. I’ll conclude with a quote from a friend that describes this eloquently.
“Once you’ve loved, you’ll always be colored by that love. There is no such thing as a clean slate. We become a living canvas of our experiences, one layer on top of the next. Over time, the layers may align and form a clear picture. And just as easily, with the next stroke, become an indistinguishable mess once again.” – Chrys Bader-Wechseler
May you have the courage to love boldly.