The 11 Differences Between Dating an Asian Guy vs a Caucasian Guy

There are many myths and stereotypes when it comes to dating asian guys. Some are completely outlandish and some are, well, a little more spot on. Multiple articles and studies discuss how cultural stereotypes of Asian men may make them less attractive to women of all races, including Asians.

In the book Freakonomics, one study showed that single Asians (male)  had to make $247,000 more annually to receive the same response rate as White men on online dating sites. Ouch. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, 40% of Asian females will marry a non-Asian male, whereas 20% of Asian males will marry a non-Asian female. This frustration is not being taken lightly. In fact, there’s even a website which acts as a forum for asian men reclaiming their “asianalitiy” – and they are pissed that their potential asian wives are shacking up with non-asians. On another website, one Asian male expresses: “It’s definitely harder for an Asian male to date a white female than for Asian females to date white males. Asian males are not portrayed as masculine, whereas Asian females are stereotyped as submissive, exotic.” What gives?!

The good news for Asian males is that as online dating is becoming less and less taboo, there are a lot more asian dating sites ready to help make meeting potential matches easier. White, black, yellow – really, one’s ethnicity shouldn’t make a difference as we are all part of the human race. No argument there. However, keep in mind that there are certain cultural differences that come to play that shape a person’s mentality, values, ideas of what a relationship dynamic should look like, and subsequently, their behaviour. And because of this, sometimes, there is some truth to the cultural differences of people raised with diverse upbringings. So I’m here today to dispel (or confirm) some of those myths, but only according to my own experience. Before you make any accusations of me making sweeping generalizations, note that my points here are completely biased according to my own sample size. Here goes…

Myth 1: Asian guys fight for the bill. True. When the dinner cheque arrives at the table, the Asian guy will swoop in like a properly trained ninja and attack the dinner cheque before you can even do that “reach” for your wallet. This swift technique is an ancient move passed on by his ancestors – a learned behavior through many many years watching his parents challenge their opponents to who gets to the cheque first. White guys are much more laid back and are happy to carry on the conversation for another 30 minutes while the check is laying on the table; some are even willing to go dutch to further showcase their support towards gender equality.

Myth 2: Asian guys are lightweights. True. Look, it’s an enzyme thing ok? When it comes to alcohol consumption, according to research, the ‘Asian Flush’ occurs due to a deficiency in an enzyme called aldehyde dehydrogenase, which is part of a vital process that digests alcohol. Headache, red flushing, even itchiness will occur after a few sips of alcohol. But, enzyme or no enzyme, don’t think this will deter an asian guy from schooling you in a drinking game though. Challenge him to a game of Pai Gow or Big 2 and he’ll drink you under the table.

Myth 3: Asian guys live with their parents. Depends. Ok, well until they’re married at least. Many asians brought up in a traditional upbringing (both men and women) choose to live at home with their parents until they get married. Asian culture emphasizes family and collectivity, so it is quite the norm to take care of your parents while living under the same roof. Also, living with a romantic partner pre-marriage is generally looked down upon, which is another reason why many asians wait until marriage to move out.

Myth 4: Asian guys have better manners. False. There are many behaviours that are emphasized in a traditional asian culture. With a big emphasis on “taking care” of those around you. For example, at the dinner table, it is a blasphemy to serve yourself food first and immediately start eating. You serve the person you are dining with first, and always offer the last bite. But while an Asian guy’s table manners may be impeccable, other “gentlemanly” behaviours like opening the car door, helping a lady put on her jacket, etc, are not lessons that parents typically focused on teaching. Thus, in my opinion it’s an even ball game.

Myth 5: Asian guys aren’t masculine. False. Unfortunately, we are influenced by what we see in the media whether we are conscious of it or not. Most depictions of Asian males in the popular media are not the same as their Caucasian counterparts. The odd Jackie Chan movie as the exception, you hardly see the Asian guy as hunky, masculine star of the show.  Whereas in the 19th century, Asian men were portrayed at the other extreme in the 19th century: sexually dangerous and desirable. The stereotype that Asian men aren’t masculine exists in a large part because of how they are portrayed in the media, not necessarily because that’s actually reflective of reality.

Myth 6: Asian guys aren’t good at expressing emotions. Depends. In Asian culture, males are not encouraged to be expressive with their emotions. Crying is seen as weakness. For example, when a boy gets hurt and starts crying, it’s not rare to see the parents scold the child for crying. Because this is engrained at such an early age, this may cause some Asian men to continue withholding emotion as they grow up. It’s rare to hear traditional Asian parents say “I love you” to their children. It’s not rare for Asian kids  to grow up on the receiving end of dictator-esque verbal instructions and scoldings. Parents educate and try to push their children to work harder and achieve more by using negative language versus complimentary language. A study conducted by China Daily interviewed a cross-section of people to see if they said “I love you” to their parents. Many people interviewed had never said those three words, and one 56-year old commenting “Saying it aloud is embarrassing for me.” Of course, even in an upbringing where being emotionally expressive is not encouraged, one can still learn how to communicate feelings despite the odds. So in the case of this stereotype, it really depends on the person.

Myth 7: Asian guys aren’t romantic. False. Sure, an Asian guy will think bubble tea is a perfectly acceptable venue for a first date. Nothing wrong with that! Asian guys will almost always say “Yes” to dessert as a date spot. Think crepes with fruit compote or shaved ice cream, their way of romanticizing the occasion involves making the girl happy first before letting themselves pick a place that might suit their own taste. If you see an Asian male holding on to his beau’s shopping bags or Louis Vuitton purse, that doesn’t means he’s “whipped”, he’s just being helpful. It may sound cliché and completely unmasculine, but in Asian culture, the men are raised to always offer comfort for the female, making sure that they are provided and cared for. That’s their idea of romance. Swoon.

Myth 8: Asian guys seek their parent’s approval. True. Beware the tiger mom. When it comes to marriage prospects, Asian guys take into consideration the advice of his parents. It’s more common for a Caucasian male to independently pursue his desires without asking for anyone else’s approval. When one gets paired with an Asian man, however, you don’t just marry the man himself but you marry his family as well.

Myth 9: Asian guys never make the first move. False. Although Asian guys might take awhile to confess their undying love, but that’s only because they like to take it slow. And when they do, they want to be sure that she’s the one. Asian guys are taught by their traditional parents that in order for them to meet the right person, you must already be a successful individual with a lot to offer. You date to marry. Caucasian guys are told they are going to meet a lot of people first before finding the right one. See the difference?

Myth 10: Asian guys don’t like public display of affection. True. Traditional Asian parents show love through immense generosity, helping out financially, and feeding you 24/7. Hugs, cuddles and kisses however, not so much. In a culture where preserving “face” and appearances is of utmost importance, there is a major emphasis on always keeping your cool, being proper and composed. They might steal a kiss or two when no one’s looking, but in retrospect the Asian male would much rather prefer it behind closed doors. Whether it’s their demeanour towards the public eye, or how they choose privacy over strong lustful urges, it’s easy to assume Asian males are more conservative when it comes to showcasing their emotions. Theories explain that this dates back to the nature of Confucian teaching –  where displaying one’s emotions publicly is not encouraged.

Myth 11: Asian guys have small “packages”. The author has chosen not to comment at this time.

171 Comments

  • Reply December 16, 2017

    Lauren

    I’m not really experienced enough to comment on relative size, but I will say that my Chinese-American bf is *excellent* in bed.

    • Reply May 22, 2018

      Stephanie

      I’m going to say that I have been with both and the Asian guys that I have been with have been larger than the Caucasian guys. The Asian guys also get harder and seem to know how to get me there every time.

      • Reply August 7, 2018

        Ann lucero

        Whats the difference between a white guy and an asia guy abour der sex life and der private..

  • Reply December 23, 2017

    John

    And we don’t have natural body odor like other races. According to a study done by British researchers East Asians ( Koreans, Japanese, I think Northern Chinese) lacked stinky gene responsible for body odor.

    • Reply June 26, 2018

      Marco

      Dream on.

  • Reply January 9, 2018

    Edward

    Race is just an overated to put on as label to date or marry someone, they fall in love with. It’s important to focus the person personality rather than apparence.

    It’s true Asians have tiger moms and we tend to offer to pay the bill for friends, but it’s all, to show our generosity towards how much we value them as friends and their friendship.

    Some Asians like myself understand the western culture very well and accepted it without judging. However, I’m part of the western and Asian cultures. I can live with both equally. Asians parents somehow have some control of our lives, even after we got jobs and graduated university.

    That’s how all middle class Asians are.

    • Reply May 22, 2018

      Stephanie

      Tell that to Hollywood. Hollywood says, “white guys are the best and everyone should love them. All other men are dangerous.” White guys eat this up because it makes them feel a false sense of confidence. It’s stupid because it’s blinding white guys to the reality of the world.

  • Reply February 7, 2018

    arron

    looking for love

    • Reply April 10, 2018

      Allena Ssali

      you can check me out

  • Reply May 14, 2018

    Wai

    This article itself is racist. “Asian men have small packages. No comment. ” Might as well have commented. But truly this entire article is a racist article trying to mask itself as being subjective. Seriously this author is the worst of them. A racist person thinking she/he isn’t and spewing nonsense.

    By saying “True, depends vs false” to these myths/stereotypes, you are already substantiating that there’s truth in the stereotypes. The correct answer to each of your racist stereotypes is FALSE. Just like its true for any group or any race.

    • Reply May 31, 2018

      Steve

      IF YOU DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY ASIANS ARE MARGINALIZED IN THE USA AND WESTER CULTURE; THEN LET ME EXPLAIN? THE TERM FOR A “SOCIAL ENGINEERED” PROCESS THAT BRAINWASHES MINORITY FEMALES AND MINORITY MALES INTO BELEIVING THAT MINORITY MEN, ESPECIALLY ASIAN MEN, ARE INFERIOR TO WHITES IS CALLED HEGEMONY! IT IS A SOCIAL ENGINEERED PROCESS DESIGNED BY SOCIAL ENGINEERS CALLED SOCIAL ATHROPOLOGISTS THAT TRIES TO ELIMINATE MINORITY MEN WHO CARRY THE DOMINANT GENE BY BRAIN WEASHING PEOPLE AT BIRTH TO BELEIVE THAT MINORITIES ARE LESS THAN HUMAN BY CREATING COMPARRISONS CALLED SOCIAL BIANARRIES. A COMPARRISON BETWEEN HUMAN AND NON-HUMAN IS ALWATS USED. THIS PROCESS OF HEGEMONY IS INTERGRATED INTO THE US PUBLIC EDUCATIONAL SYTEM ON PURPOSE! IF YOU WANT TO DEFEAT HEGEMONY THEN STUDY KUNTAO AND SILAT ALONG WITH THEIR PHILOSOPHY FOR SURVIVAL. I ALSO SUGGEST READING TWO BOOK: “WARRIORS OF THE RISING SUN” BY ROBERT B. EDGERTON AND “ROGUE WARRIOR” BY RICHARD MARCINCO FOUNDER OF THE SEAL TEAM 6 NAVY SEALS! THE LAST THING I SUGGEST ASIAN MEN DO IS TO TAKE A ETHNIC STUDIES CLASS AND WATCH “THE HUMAN ZOOS” ON YOUTUBE! THE TRUTH IS WE HAVE BEEN STIGMATIZED AND MARGINALIZED BY DESIGN!! ON PURPOSE!

      FIGHT BACK! LEARN KUNTAO-SILAT…REAL KUNG FU THAT IS DESIGNED FOR SURVIVAL BECAUSE THAT IS WHAT YOU ARE TRYING TO DO…SURVIVE! IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO KILL THEN YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO LIVE!

    • Reply July 21, 2018

      Calm Asian

      Agree, except that Asian men are marginalized, but it is not racism or “culture”, rather socialism. In a meritocracy, the knowledge worker is supreme because their work directly helps innovation and economic expansion via technological advantage. So traditional Tiger Moms and the like will point their children towards those disciplines. This was the way it was in asian countries like China. However, the western world is democratic, and have labour unions, and since everyone has a vote, people have the opportunity to redirect the cash flow. That’s why you see all these rich athletes, actors, musicians, etc. occupy the richest 1% bracket: through their unions as well as socialist incentives like athletic scholarships, arts endowments, etc. Now look at Hollywood. Look at the NFL and NBA team rosters. How many asians do you see? So if you were someone (any gender, any orientation), would you feel financially secure in a relationship with an asian? Probably not. And voila. The only way to get equal treatment in this regard is to end socialism. #Republicans2018 #Trump2020 #TrumpJr2024 #MAGA!!!

  • Reply May 28, 2018

    Laura

    My Korean American boyfriend isn’t afraid of showing public affection. He loves to hold my hand, snuggle and kiss me no matter where we are. We don’t make out in public but neither one of us is into that and I’m white. I’ve dated both white and Asian guys and I can say the small “package” thing is ridiculous! I had one really really tall white boyfriend that was rather large but all the other white guys were smaller than any of the Asian guys I’ve dated. More importantly the Asian guys have been waaaay better in bed. It isn’t even close. I feel really fortunate to have a wonderful boyfriend that’s a sweet and affectionate guy on the street and a tiger between the sheets! Plus, he’s the first guy I’ve dated that’s been several years older than me but he looks a good ten years younger than all my white exes. All the Asian guys I’ve dated have been in much better physical shape too. My boyfriend is in his 40s and is in great shape! I love feeling his strong smooth arms around me. As they say, Asian don’t raisin! lol

  • Reply June 18, 2018

    Hawk Blue Sky

    Make love to happy woman makes happy man happy.
    Happiness is good love-making to good woman.
    Drink coffee with happy woman in bed and make more happiness.
    This is the way of happy love-making.

    Blue skies.
    White clouds.
    Zen love.

  • Reply July 4, 2018

    Amara

    I’m not sure about all of these but in my experience many stereotypes are true. There are also others that are negative that are not listed. I have dated several Asian me before marrying one and the thing I noticed the most is that the critical nature they learn from parents will be transferred to their marriage and dating behavior. Be prepared to be criticized if dressing a certain way, doing things they have learned mean you are a “quality” women wrong like pouring your tea or walking too loud, your education or career goals or how much you clean the house. I wasn’t prepared for that level of criticism going into it. Now I am expected to be very successful financially while also being the main caretaker of my child and keeping a spotless house. Bear in mind the culture does not believe in men helping with house chores and children. This does not mean they cannot be the sweetest guys in the world, making you feel special and loved. Just don’t get fat. This is a major no no. There are no excuses and they will remind you childbirth is not one. I am not speaking for only one experience either. All my friends are Asian and I speak the language. My friends who are Japanese, korean, and Philippino are all dating white guys to be treated better. Yes you will find this racist but it’s true. The penis stuff can be true but it really depends on the guy. How good in bed they are is also dependent on the guy. One thing that my friends and I noticed is that they don’t perform oral sex. They love to receive but they will most likely won’t go down on you so hopefully this is not a deal breaker. This whole site is meant for stereotyping so I thought I would include my experiences. On a positive note I do think they are quite commited and family oriented in a way that makes it worth it.

    • Reply July 16, 2018

      ray

      are you serious…if its dependent on the guy it means its not true for the entire population.

      your experiences, are your own and not representative of anyone but your own. All your experiences are reserved to your own relationship. Maybe thats the type of people you attract.

      how many asians have you opened your legs for?

  • Reply August 12, 2018

    Jenny

    This is a very racist article. I have never seen my Asian boys in classes inferior to any white guys since I have been a college professor more than 20 years ago. In fact my colleague Dr. Hemley often feels so angry when he helps his white students in his classes. They just can not understand what he delivers in his lectures. Several times Dr. Hemley had to say to his students “my dogs are even smarter than you guys.” However, I tend to disagree with him and I do not think they are that stupid. What they need is to focus on their studies a lot more in college instead of chasing girls and having so much sex in the dorms. Asians study hard and are serious with their education.

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