The rules of dating change dramatically when you go from young lust to wanting to settle down with a lifetime partner. The mindset is different, the tactics and strategy are different and resultantly, the outcome is different. If you’re looking for a one-night stand, this post does not apply to you. However, if you are a man looking for a quality gal and seem to be repelling women with your current dating strategy, then you may find my observations useful.
1. You are cheap
If you ask a woman out, pay for dinner. No, not just yours, the entire dinner. Is this unjust? Is this a contradiction to feminism? Mmm. No, I don’t think so. It’s about being a proper gentleman and treating a lady just like you would do for your mother. This does not mean you have to pay every single time. But on the first date, if you want there to be a second one, then yes, yes you do.
2. You are passive
This is a common message I get, “We should do coffee sometime.” What this says is, “I don’t have the balls to ask you out directly because I’m scared of rejection, so I’ll dangle and see if you’ll bite.” I do not know if it’s because men have too many options in Vancouver so they don’t have to make an effort to take a risk, or if a large majority of single men are just passive wusses. Whatever the reason, passive doesn’t usually get too far. Instead of, “We should..” try, “Hey, would you like to go for coffee on Thursday after work?”. Remember though, passive is one thing. Being overly aggressive creepy is another. Both are bad.
3. You are a player
Vancouver is a small city. If you have slept with half the city and hit on an entire circle of friends, chances are, before she gets to see your shining personality, she will think you’re a dog. Your reputation matters. If you create a reputation for being a low-standard, will-get-in-bed-with-anyone-type-of-guy, expect that good, quality women will run away from you like you’re the antichrist. You want a good woman? Start cleaning up your act.
4. You try too hard
Just be you. It sounds so simple, but it’s true. Anyone with half a brain can sense when someone is trying too hard to impress with things that don’t matter. A good woman doesn’t care about your car, your watch or how you are friends with someone famous. Stop acting and start being you (unless you’re naturally an asshole, then read point #5). The amateur tactics may work to get a girl into bed, but if you are looking for a quality partner, faking it is just not sustainable.
5. You’re an asshole
Treat a woman like how you’d like a man to treat your younger sister. Respect her. Call her back. Show up when you say you will. Be considerate. Don’t be bbming the whole time throughout dinner. Even if you don’t like the woman, have enough respect for another human being to be honest and not string her along.
6. You’re a cheater
Studies show that people who cheat and enter another relationship generally tend to repeat the pattern of cheating. No woman wants to be cheated on and any good woman I know has values that won’t sign up for the drama of being with a taken man. If you’re unhappy in your relationship, have the human decency to end yours before fishing for another. Are there women out there who love the challenge of a taken man? Of course there are. But those are not the ones you want, are they?
7. You look like this:
You are not in a gang. You are not a rockstar. Refrain from making facial expressions and hand gestures like the classy gent above. Enough said.
5 Reasons Why You’re Repelling Men
Great list and pretty accurate! Though I will disagree with the passive statement. Those general statements of lets grab coffee someday are less about fear of rejection and more about respect for the other persons time – at least for someone with some life experience. It applies to regular friendships too. My own invite to friends (I’m not in the dating game) is generally passive. I recognize my friends – some of whom are divorced, with kids, have limited time for catchups over lunch or coffee so I offer it up to meet on their schedule since mine is more flexible.
But now that I’ve read your view which seems to reflect a 21st century viewpoint, I will be firmer in my invites to set a schedule. Playing it by ear may not be such a good thing.
damn i look number #7
I thought #7 was Rick Mercer, sort of.
Firstly, did not know that you had a blog! I kept thinking to myself….why does that face look so familiar?…until I realize it was that pretty columnist with the awesome articles on the 24!! I love your posts and articles btw!
Great article! Funny enough, I’m anything but those…I’m just unlucky and have the strangest/worse timing. It’s funny when I reflect back. LOL
Oh and I like to add one more point…8. You’re naturally a slob/unmotivated, and/or lazy. (applies to both guys and girls)
Number #7 is hilarious! Unfortunately, I’ve seen many girls do that face too. So sad…
So true…especially number 5…great list.
#2 is so true and incredibly frustrating.
Not sure what a hand gesture that both men and women make at Rock concerts has anything to do with gangs?
I love this list too — and I’m almost 50! Amazing how timeless a lot of these are. I would like to add to Number One — “You are cheap”. I have received literally hundreds of smiles from men on dating sites over the years with the accompanying message: “I’m a basic member — please email me!” Which basically says, “You’re not worth the $16.95 membership fee I would have to pay in order to send you an email” or, “I’m too cheap to pay for a membership — but I’m happy to ask you to pay for one.” Seriously. I can’t believe that men don’t stop and think about how they are coming across. It’s like approaching me in a coffee shop or a bar and asking me to buy you a drink. Talk about poor taste!!!
AWESOME.